wyvchat

Not at all.

not in any way.

Can you expand a bit on that?

it is not a woman/girls responsibility but the responsibility of society to educate their men/boys

@WearYourVoice #wyvchat Nah, not our responsibility. Our goal is to dismantle misogynistic and patriarchal values wherever/whenever we can.

the male gaze is precisely that: Inherently his. And being autonomous beings-he should assert control over his own actions.

How can parents educate their boys and masculine children to not slut-shame or objectify women and femmes?

Trouble is, it's not just men who believe that the responsibility for controlling a man's gaze should fall on women. Internalized patriarchy, like internalized racism, is mofo'.

we need society to stop hypersexualizing the female body as well

this question has been plaguing my mind!! People are free to be/dress as they choose. HOWEVER, we react to ea other's appearance, since it's the first thing we see. If youre dressed like a slob, you might not be taken very seriously, likewise if you

It's more important to raise up girls and women to appreciate and love the space they hold without concern for repercussion or shame.

are dressed super sexualized, those are the vibes you might be giving off. Although it comes down to teaching our kids to treat EVERYONE with respect, regardless of who they are/what they look like

#wyvchat that women/femmes are autonomous beings, that they're not here to please men (mating), that motherhood looks many ways. that her place is anywhere she wants it to be, that she will look anyway she wants it to look.

Than to teach them that someone else's gaze is their responsibility

@nicolegervacio totally!! i hate being sexualized. Men more often get to be treated as people, while women often have that limitation of being sexual first... i hate it

i feel like i know a strong community of women who walk the world with confidence/comfortability in their own bodies/skin (to an extent) but that doesn't always protect them from invasive interactions (catcalling/male gaze/harassment)

What's the line between a sexualizing a woman and offering a non-offensive compliment of her appearance?

we need as parents and caregivers to take emphasis off our bodies as a reflection of who we are.

@AntwanLHerron just comes down to respect. we're human and attracted to ea other but it's abt treating people as people with feelings not as objects with 1 single sexual purpose. Freaking life... haha

i think it comes to the space thats taken up. is a guy yelling out of a car or being dominant of space or is it on level ground?

@AntwanLHerron I think the line is around dropping expectations of her (she doesnt owe you her time or anything), and not invading someone else's mental/physical space with said compliment.

@AntwanLHerron also not expecting anything in return

@aunteyeme Yup totally. Compliments that are not sexual are better received. I feel good when someone compliments a clothing choice or something, yknow?

@AntwanLHerron, I think Nina sums it up pretty well. If it is given without expectation and not objectifying them, it's ok.

@aunteyeme @AntwanLHerron i agree: respect. treat others how you want to be treated. sometimes i give compliments to strangers (cool shoes, nice dog, etc...). often it's easy to sense when a compliment is genuine or if they have other intentions in mind.

Focusing on deeper qualities in a woman that you find attractive.

Black women who pushback against pre-marital sex by saying "The only man you need to be in bed with is Jesus."

lol @AntwanLHerron ya esp if you grow up in religious community, sex gets sort of twisted as if it were bad and you should be ashamed for having/wanting it, instead of something 100% natural that they should teach you to be responsible and healthy about

we're a puritan society when it comes to sex. which is prooobably why it has so much power over us. Sex, oh my goodness dont have it! but here buy all this sht to make you look sexier

"look sexy but don't be a slut"

@aunteyeme haha totally! and it's so embedded in us from early on. Even our sex ed in schools is a joke. :|

@AntwanLHerron, can you touch on "the talk?"

It's not all about slut-shaming when it comes to respectability politics. Sometimes it's about defying cops' expectations of young Black people to save their lives from police violence.

meant that for the lower thread. sorry!

Victim blaming is a way it related -- look demure, appear professional, look approachable, look to fit in a mold and you'll be "safe". If something happens to you -- "but what were you wearing?"

Sure. It's really a conversation between a Black parent and child about the do's and don'ts of being Black, especially when interacting with white authority figures (for example, in school), and especially when during encounters with police officers

That's why I drew the comparison in my article on Erykah Badu about her suggestions for how school girls should dress around male teachers and what Black parents tell their children about how police or authority figures will perceive them ....

... if they dress a certain way, i.e. baggy pants, hoodie, etc.

Comes down to respecting people's rights/space. noone has a right to touch/hurt someone else. however i do think if you dress in a super sexualized way, you're bound to get sexualized attention. am i wrong for thinking that? arent we reproductive animals?

That was a really great article, @AntwanLHerron. http://ow.ly/4mSgxG for y'all who want to read it later.

@aunteyeme well i think that's the problem with 'dressing sexual' some people may be dressing in a way that's not sexual in their own opinion, but other people will perceive them as sexy.

I should also add that most times "the talk" does not take place in one sitting, but is distributed throughout an entire lifetime. LOL

@aunteyeme i LOVE wearing short shorts and light fabrics, in reality i'd be half-naked living on an island in the P.I. i don't consider that sexy, it's a matter of comfortability, but other people may perceive my outfit as sexy...

@nicolegervacio Exactly! That's why I asked what's "too sexy"? @laureldickman Do you believe there's sorta speak a one size fits all "too sexy"?

Thank you for the article compliment!

@nicolegervacio definitely hear that. comes down to culture and context. Standards of what is sexy constantly change over time. no one has a right to comment on how you choose to present yourself either way

you can show skin all you want. but i hear the way guys talk, its disgusting "no offense". idk, guess im a fucking puritan haha. Can we curse on here? lol

What happens if a woman were to wear a certain outfit that's considered "sexy" and received no attention from a man?

happens a lot. for me it just doesn't make me feel any different than i felt when i put it on.

maybe not a lot. but it happens.

@aunteyeme ...i do agree, we are sexual animals! U.S. has a terrible relationship to sex, it's everywhere, but people don't know where/when it's appropriate: talking about healthy sex taboo, yet it's steeped in our media/pop culture

U.S. has no healthy conversations on consent/respect + our pop culture has sex in every other topic. objectifying + hyper sexualizing the female body...of course there is miscommunication/misunderstanding on how to interact with each other..

@AntwanLHerron she will probably still feel good! i know plenty of women who dress up for themselves, wear sexy underwear even if no one is going to see it or wearing their favorite dress because they're feeling confident...no need for outside approval.

YUP. i think a lot has to do w/the kind of advertising that we allow to happen also. Women's bodies (and ONE type of body) are on display to sell stuff to us. As consumers, maybe we should demand better standards and reject those hypersexualized tactics...

@aunteyeme exactly and good point! i do feel like there's some change happening, very slow/small...but it's happening.